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Fresh squeezed orange juice?

     I put the glass to my lips for my beloved morning wake-up call—the fresh sweet taste of orange juice.

     Aargh! It landed on my tongue like a stale cotton ball. I spit it out. Tasted like chalk or—moldy oranges, maybe? I opened the fridge and checked the age-date on the carton. Date was fine. Maybe they added vitamin E or D. You know how they do. They're always adding stuff or taking stuff out of your favorite foods these days.

     I'd spent fifteen minutes making sure I got the right orange juice last week when I took the carton of "freshly squeezed original orange juice" off the shelf. Every carton I looked at had something added or reduced or taken out altogether. All I wanted was plain ol' orange juice. Careful inspection of the carton in the fridge solved the mystery. I'd taken an untasty sip of orange with. . .

     CALCIUM added. There it was, in capital letters on the front of the carton. How could I miss it? Yeah, the letters were smaller than the "freshly squeezed original orange juice" letters, but they were there.

     You wouldn't believe—well, you prob'ly would—how many kinds of original freshly squeezed orange juice there are. If you're not careful, you can end up with zinc in your orange juice—or maybe you like zinc? Or "low pulp" when you wanted "high pulp." Or "some pulp" when you wanted "most pulp."

     I went back to Ralph's to do my research— exactly how many ways can orange juice be sold? Turns out you can get orange juice with no pulp, low pulp, some pulp, more pulp, high pulp, most pulp or extra pulp added. Or you can get it pulp-free.

     You can buy it made from concentrate or not made from concentrate, with reduced acid or low acid—there's a difference? I guess. Take your choice of Country Style, Home Style, and Growers Style. You can get 100% Pure Squeezed from Concentrate—or Home Squeezed with Calcium.

     Whose home? No calcium in my pantry and I'll bet not in yours either, but someone spends his days squeezing oranges and adding spoonfuls of calcium to the juice before he sells it to Minute Maid® so you and I can buy orange juice Home Squeezed with Calcium.

     If you're into vitamins, you can buy your orange juice with Extra Vitamins C and E—with zinc added, too. If acid upsets you, there's 100% Pure Squeezed Orange Juice with Reduced Acid and Vitamin C and Calcium added. There's Original Orange Juice with No Pulp (Original with no pulp?) and Healthy Kids with No Pulp (now that I'd like to see!) or Grove Stand with Lots of Pulp. No matter which kind you choose, it will be Original.

     I'd suggest that the next time you go out for a carton of orange juice, you cancel all your afternoon appointments. It takes a few hours to find the juice you want, but you'll be glad you did, 'cause when you're expecting original fresh orange juice with some pulp and low acid, but you accidentally bought original fresh orange juice with no pulp and lots of acid, zinc and extra calcium made from concentrate – well, you're in for a bit of a shock when that orange juice with all its additives and subtractatives hits your unsuspecting tongue.

     I threw away the carton of liquid calcium with orange juice added. I prefer my orange juice pure. With reduced acid. Lots of pulp. Original.

From concentrate.

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