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I Said I’d Just Hop Out and Get the Ultimate Cheeseburger

     Oh, c’mon! I don’t look suspicious! Least I didn’t think so ’til…

     The fast food place - I won’t name it, ’cause Jack might get mad – wasn’t in our town. We were on our way home from an evening out when we pulled into the drive-thru next to the Box but there were too many cars ahead of us and we were in a hurry to get home so I said I’d just hop out and go inside and get the Ultimate Cheeseburger. It’d be quicker.

     And safe, said my seatmate in the red Ford 150, as he pointed to the security guard standing alertly near the entrance.

     Sure didn’t make me feel safe. Why in heck did they need a security guard outside a fast-food box? In the middle of town, at that. I said I’d feel a whole lot safer if there wasn’t a security guard guarding the place.

     But I put on my brave face and hopped out nonchalantly and sauntered over to the door as if security guards in dark blue uniforms leaning against the wall of fast food places didn’t scare me a bit. I even smiled and said “G’d evening” as I passed him and pushed open the glass door.

     That gathering of customers in sort’a kind’a tough-guy clothes in the corner - that didn’t bother me a wit either. Not a wit. Well of course I kept my eye on them as I waited in line behind the fairly respectable-looking gentleman and the guy with the sloppy white T-shirt and too-long pants. I mean, what else was there to look at?

     I gotta tell you I was careful to look out of the corner of my eye so they wouldn’t notice I was staring at them. Just trying to see if they were anything I should worry about, that’s all.

     Naw – they were just a bunch of fast food customers out on the town. Nothing to worry about. Uh-oh. They’re coming over here. Oh, just getting refills on their drinks. That’s good. They look pretty human. Don’t know what I was thinking.

     Sure am glad that security guard’s there. You never know who might come in – this being the kind of place where people come to get Ultimate Cheeseburgers and greasy fries and those humongous drinks in the plastic cups.

     Next thing I knew, the customers in the sort’a kind’a tough-guy clothes had gone out to the parking lot and on down the street. Not more than a few minutes later the security guard came inside and glancing behind him, walked down the passageway toward the kitchen. Must be taking a break, I figured. Made sense – now that the danger was gone, he could leave his post.  

     He wasn’t gone more than a minute when suddenly he was there, standing at the end of the counter, not far from where I was waiting for my order to come up. Seemed to be looking in my direction. Don’t know why. Nothing suspicious here. Just me and the fairly respectable-looking gentleman. He really should get back to his post in the parking lot.

     My order came up and I picked up the bag and headed for the door. Had to pass the security guard on my way, so I smiled at him as I hurried by.

     I started toward the far corner of the parking lot where I’d exited the F150, but a few feet to my left, there it was. Seemed to have moved. And now here it was, parked close to the door - headed out.

     I got in, shut the door and suddenly realized why the security guard had come inside. But tough luck for him - all I had was an Ultimate Cheeseburger in a brown paper bag. And it was paid for.

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