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National Unhealth Day

     All this year I’ve been eating what they say is good for me. All this year I’ve been trying to lose a few pounds. All this year I’ve been walking around in circles. Well, it feels that way…

     And here I am: same as before. Maybe that’s a good thing. If I didn’t eat healthy food and lose weight and walk a lot I’d probably be fat and wrinkly and sickly. But it’s making me tired, all this healthy stuff. Every day the papers and television commentators come out with a new food you’re supposed to eat to clean out your arteries or prevent memory loss - mostly to keep you from dying. Which we all plan to do, sooner or later.

     Monday I drank a soda. Wow, was that good! Hadn’t had a sweet sugary soda in months. I’ve been drinking “water with lemon” with my meals so long I forgot how good an icy cold Dr. Pepper tastes. Then on Tuesday I walked up to the place with the yummy gelatos and ordered the biggest cup size they had. Relaxing at a tiny table outside, I ran my tongue over the rich chocolate gelato with full-roast coffee flavor and then over the sweet tart apricot.

     Yes, I’ve been walking lots this year. Thank goodness for the lousy television shows! If it weren’t for them, I’d have quit walking a long time ago. I’m not a morning person so I don’t get up before dawn to walk. Night time’s my time and after a hard day’s work at the computer, I naturally don’t want to stress my exhausted body with forced walks, but jiminy – twenty minutes or so in front of the television gets me off the couch in a hurry.

     What am I watching this for? There’s enough murder and mayhem out on the streets – I don’t need to watch it before I go to sleep. Before I know it, I’m slipping on my walking shoes and heading for the door. The Padres have been quite helpful in this regard, also. After an inning or two, there’s no need to stay for more – so again, out the door I go.

     It’s quite beautiful, walking in the evening. The sunsets are gorgeous after a really hot day and when the moon shows up, I have a friend in the sky, changing from night to night, from a slim golden sliver to a full rosy-cheeked face. Below, the lights of the city sparkle through the eucalyptus trees at the end of the drive, and the crickets are my iPod entertainment. I like being healthy when I’m walking in the night air – once I get out there.

     But I get all hot and sweaty and after I cool off and am ready to be entertained by “the box,” the Padres are losing nine to one and there’s nothing to get excited about on the other seven hundred and three channels, so I lean back and watch “Ice Truckers” or CNN news with the guy who puts up with me until my eyes droop and it’s off to bed.

     Eight hours only. Not supposed to sleep more than eight hours. Women who sleep more than seven or eight hours a night are more likely to have a stroke than women who only sleep seven hours a night. It’s enough to make you set your alarm. But if you want to lose weight, you need to sleep more than eight hours because your body burns off your fat while you’re asleep more than when you’re awake, or something like that.

     It’s enough to wear a person out, all this healthy stuff, so I’m proposing that Monday’s be designated as “National Unhealth Day.”  Monday’s are bad enough as it is – a little unhealthy living couldn’t hurt.

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