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If you're bored

     "I've never been so bored in my life!" Bet you've said that before. Well, I want to tell you there are lots of things you can do when you're bored. You can go to sleep. Pull your hat brim down so no one knows you're sleeping through the seminar or the ballgame or whatever it is that's boring you. Caution: this doesn't work if you snore.

     Or you can get up and leave. That's a little more obvious so it's best to sneak out surreptitiously. Your friends might be having the times of their lives and wonder what's got into you that you would leave in the middle of this inspiring lecture on taxes.

     If you're in church and it's the—ahem—sermon, you could pray. If you haven't fallen asleep already. Or you could listen harder, waiting for the hidden gem to fall. What I often do is look around to see who else is bored. If the pews are filled with people leaning forward attentively, then I figure I'm missing something, but if their eyes glazed, looking straight ahead, I know I'm not alone. Not that it helps.

     Then there are the days you're sitting at home with not a thing to do. How boring is that? Well, you could clean the garage. Couldn't you? Too hot? Okay, maybe you could run down to Foster Freeze and have a double-dip cone. You're on a diet? That won't work. Sorry for mentioning it. Besides, it's too hot to run anyway.

     Nothing on TV and who wants to sit inside watching TV on a beautiful warm sunny day? Same with reading a book. Do people do that anymore? What with Netflix and YouTube and Twitter and FaceBook and all the news you never wanted to hear on your iPhone or Android?

     You could go out and do good. That's an idea. Have a friend who's sick and needs visitors? No? How 'bout texting a friend who's sitting home bored to tears? Nothing like two bored people getting together for coffee or drinks to share their sad tales of boredom. Kind'a like a Bored People Support Group or——since everything has to have an acronym, a BPSG.

     You could make Bored People bracelets and tattoos and definitely some Bored People T-shirts with nothing on them.

     Boredom hits everyone sooner or later. Susie and I got the bug early in life back in Orono, Maine. Summer days when school was out we sat on the front steps trying to think of things to do. At six years old, we could hardly swipe our parents' cars and go on a wild ride. We weren't proficient enough on our bikes to ride them past the end of the street. Sometimes we'd get the 100 Jokes book out and read jokes until they weren't funny anymore. "What shall we do now?" We went over to Lou's house. Maybe she could think of something to do.

     Lou wasn't home. Back to the steps. "What shall we do now?" There was no BPSG in those days. Come to think of it, there isn't one now either. Somehow we survived all that boredom and grew up to be good, responsible adults, still dealing with occasional moments of boredom.

     When you're bored, never fear. You're in good company. And ten to one, just as you're thinking you can't take another minute of boredom, something will come up and need your attention. Can't say that will be a good thing or a bad thing but one thing's for sure: boredom is guaranteed not to last forever.

     Have a fun, un-boring weekend—if you're haven't fallen asleep yet.

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