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To Catch a Fly

     You just get one of those plastic things with a long metal handle that has an empty loop at the end for your hand to grip, spot the fly and swoosh! You missed again.

     With all the rain earlier this year, the bugs are winning. Keep the doors closed; slip in and out quick as you can so as not to let the flies, moths and other flying insects invade your peaceful home. Remind your sons, daughters, guests, the dog—shut the door! Don't let the flies in!

     Doesn't make a difference. They get in anyway and if they do, it's your job to usher them out or—dare I say it?—kill them.

     I tried one of those fly strips. Nasty things. You have to tack it to the wall in your house and then it attracts those flies and traps them right there on that long yellow strip hanging down and you have dead flies for all your visitors to see—not to mention yourself every time you walk by. I haven't tried the electric fly zappers or that yucky-smelling candle. I'm still working on my swing and smash skills.

     The other day I stood at the patio sliding glass door for five minutes, ushering out the fly who couldn't decide if he wanted to stay in the cool house or try his luck outside in the heat. Every time he flew toward the opening, heading out, my supernaturally swift powers stood ready to quickly slide the door shut the minute he passed over the no-fly zone. He didn't pass over it; he circled around and retreated into the house.

     I waved my arms, shooing him toward the no-fly zone, signaling it would be a good idea to fly straight out and never return. Lot of good that did. Wait! There he goes! Slide door quick! There! He's out!

     No such luck inside the house. There's always one fly. Only one. 'Til you kill it. Then there are two. Shouldn't be so hard to catch that fly—you're a lot bigger than he is. You tiptoe to the cabinet where the fly swatter is waiting patiently for the kill, take hold of the swatter very quietly—flies don't have ears but they have hairs on their legs and if you make any noise, their leg hairs will hear you. I didn't know that 'til I looked up flies' ears on Google. Actually, those hairs feel the vibrations of sounds. Good to know your enemy…

     So now you have the swatter and you're ready. Cross your eyes—I read that predators have close-set eyes, the better to focus on their prey—and follow the flight of the fly. Wait patiently—or impatiently, I don't care—until said fly lands on a solid surface. Any solid surface will do—as long as it's not glass—because you're going to take a mighty swing and smash it! Or maybe not. Those leg hairs heard you coming. As for eyes—our two eyes are totally outnumbered by the eyes of a fly. We don't have a chance.

     "Flies have 5 eyes! Two of these being compound eyes consisting of many lenses. The other three (ocelli) are single lens eyes located in a triangle form above and in between the two compound eyes, on the top of the head," per

     It's not your bad aim. The fly sees you coming every time. If you catch that fly, it's pure luck, so don't take credit. Just go out and have a beer to celebrate. Be sure to shut the door behind you.

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