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Finally, Believable Excuses

     No more lying, cheating and. . .  well, you never did that anyway, the stealing part. And maybe not the cheating part, if you're not a card player. But lying? Come on, you've told a few. little white lies. "Sorry, I can't make it. I won't be in town," and then you had to make sure no one saw you down at the gas station on Event Day. I'm sure you have a few stories. "Oh no, I don't know her. What did you say her name was?" and then she shows up at the party and greets you by name with a big hug and a "So good to see you again!"

     No more of that. You're OLD now. You can lie with ease. Oh-oh. . .  I didn't mean that. Let's start over. You're OLD now. You can come up with the best excuses ever—truly believable excuses because finally, you're getting old. "I forgot." and "Oh, I'm too old for that" work wonders! No more lying. You have your reputation to uphold. Everyone knows you're an upstanding character: honest, caring, loving and a person who would never lie. You might not have shown up once or twice when you said you'd be there, but that's only a slight miscalculation, which is not uncommon, even among the not-old-yet set.

     So now that you're old—c'mon, admit it: anyone over fifty is old. Middle-aged we like to say, or not say, as the case may be. But face it, fifty is not the new twenty, no matter what they say. Actually if you're like me, you'd rather forget this whole "age" business because you're only what you've always been: a youngster with big ideas and lots of life to live. In which case, no one is old, ever. Except a few who were born old. You know what I mean—everyone has a friend or relative who's been old from Day 1, or at least ever since you've known him or her.

     So anyway, now that you know that—technically—you're old, you have the perfect excuse ready for the next time you're put on the spot. "Let's go sky-diving! It'll be lots of fun and you always loved doing the scary stuff."

     "Oh my. So nice of you to think of me. Who's paying?" Oops! That one slipped in. . . Continuing on, "I'd love to jump out of an airplane with you by my side, floating down, down, down to the. . . EARTH??? But I'm so sorry. My doctor told me  at my age I have to watch my heart. No strenuous activity; a brisk walk once a day but no sky-diving. Specifically, no sky-diving. Let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear all about it. Call me from the hospital as soon as you get there."

     Arriving at your son's barbecue, "Oh! I was supposed to bring something? I must have forgotten. So sorry." No saying your oven wasn't working so you couldn't bake those brownies; just a small memory lapse and you're excused. Because, of course, you're OLD and old people forget things all the time.

     Ahhh, the enjoyment of getting old. Excuses at the ready. Memory serves us well these days. We remember exactly what we choose and conveniently forget everything else. We do what we want and get out of doing what we don't want to do. And therein, we have the golden treasure—the perfect excuses: "Sorry, I forgot." and "Oh no, I'm too old for that."

     Let's keep it our secret.

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